I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
