Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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