I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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