ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
