Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
