Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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