your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
