By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
