you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
