Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
