Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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