my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
