So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
