I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
my liver is dry heaving
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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