i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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