why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
