I feel great
I just peed on a car
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
