just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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