Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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