speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize