i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
