Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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