bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
