Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
