So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
