I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
