I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
