I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
