Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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