I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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