Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
