This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
