Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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