I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
