I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
