Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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