I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
As shirtless as possible
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
