i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
