If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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