I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
