The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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