Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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