community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
