Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
