So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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