I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
