I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Couch. On fire.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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