i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
