She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
