So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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