grandma shit on top of the toilet
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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