There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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