there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
