Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
