his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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