I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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