at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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