tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
